You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
