we have officially lost it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
