the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
