i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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