you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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