She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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