Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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