im drinking this country out of the recession.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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