apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
