Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
