I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
