She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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