I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize