got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Shame - the story of my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
