So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
