We won't sleep together?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish my penis had a tongue
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
