Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
