apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
