his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
