The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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