there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He passed out mid-signature
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
