he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
