so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize