Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
