I wanna passion pit in your ass
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
