Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
