I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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