y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you would pick up someone in the library
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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