im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize