Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
