I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need to calm my uterus...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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