Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
