When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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