I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
