I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
