If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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