I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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