i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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