I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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