i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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