Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Randomize
