Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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