I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Life is so much better after having sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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