yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize