somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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