i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
