pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
