I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
