I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
