Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
