I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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