He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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