he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
