I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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