He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize