Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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