as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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