he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
