Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
