GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
