Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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