Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
