Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
