I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
