i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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