Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
