What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
