I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
