Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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