I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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