I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
