Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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