I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize