mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
