I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
