I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
