I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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