You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
