I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
