I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Two words: blizzard sex
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
