i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
