ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
