I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
