omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
