My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She announced her abortion via fbk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
