I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
