i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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