When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
