he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
