chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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