party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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