Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
