The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
