I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
