Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
