I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize