The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
