So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
