I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
