he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
