she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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