I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
birth control should be required to get into college
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
