I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Everything about him screamed your future.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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