how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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