I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
