remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize