Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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